


It only leads to treble

by violentcheese



Series: Reluctant Vampirism and other 'Minor' Inconveniences [2]
Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Eggsy the reluctant vampire, Eggsy's big reveal, Hartwin, M/M, Merlin is a good bro, Supernatural Elements, who said Harry was human?, why
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-13
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-09 01:55:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4329318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violentcheese/pseuds/violentcheese
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to 'Put that garlic back where it came from or so help me'. It is necessary to read that one first. You asked and ye shall receive! </p><p>Eggsy reveals his newly-discovered vampirism to Harry. </p><p>Supernatural!UA of a sorts.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chavvy bats

"Jesus H. Christ, what are you doing here?" Merlin bites out, one hand jumping to cover his heart, the other reaching reflexively for his ankle holster. Seeing that it's Eggsy lounging on what used to be _Merlin's_ couch, he relaxes into a stern frown and crosses his arms. He's just successfully guided Bedivere through a shitstorm of a mission and he's ready to collapse into bed for the net five million years. He's too fucking old for this cloak-and-dagger shit that Eggsy's grown fond of in the past few weeks since they figured out his new-found vampirism. He bares his blunt, very-much-human teeth at Eggsy, though there's no heat in the gesture. The lad's a menace, but he's _Merlin's_ menace, god help him. 

Eggsy flinches at the use of a certain deity's name and is quick to bare his actual fangs in return. He curses as he catches the tip of his tongue on one of those wickedly sharp points. "Fuck me," he lisps, tossing Merlin a two-fingered salute when he hears his laughter. "Nah, I take that back. Fuck _you_." Eggsy kicks his legs down off the arm of what has become his sofa through many sleepless nights of its occupation. Sitting up, Eggsy properly takes in Merlin's state of exhaustion and hops up, worried. Eggsy doesn't sleep a lot these days,he doesn't need it. However, Merlin is decidedly _not_ a vampire and he does need a nap or two despite his protests to the contrary. Merlin's been a bruv the past few weeks. Eggsy decides it's time to start repaying that. 

"Bloody hell, Aodhán, what did Bedivere put you through? You look like a fuckin' tank ran you over, mate. When was the last time you slept? Or ate? Holy shit, are you going to collapse? How's your blood sugar?" Merlin can't get a word in edgewise thanks to Kingsman's resident mother hen badgering him, poking and prodding at his aching body. Sniffing at the pulse point of his wrist. Wrapping an arm around Merlin's middle and taking all of his weight- nothing to Eggsy, these days. Being fucking Count Dracula incarnate has its benefits. It doesn't matter anyway, anything Merlin could say wouldn't stop Eggsy from bloody well _throwing his handler over his shoulder_ and carrying Merlin up to his bedroom. 

Merlin's house is tucked away like Harry's is, though the interior decoration is vastly different. Where Harry is all mad collections, beige walls and even beiger carpets, Merlin is drastic greens and reds on his walls with wood paneling to complement. Thick, lush carpets, old stuffy armchairs, overflowing bookshelves. Weapons of all sorts hidden in the most ingenuous of places (it is here that he and Harry are similar). Merlin's bedroom is almost full up with his giant bed and built-in wardrobe. Merlin notes that any mirrors they pass have been covered up. A t-shirt here, a sheet there. Eggsy doesn't like being reminded of his reflectionless status. Says it's 'fuckin' weird'. Merlin agrees, privately. He swats ineffectively at the back of Eggsy's head, flicking his ear when he isn't out down. 

Then the soft mattress is meeting his aching back and Merlin's pout disappears, replaced by a relieved expression. "Ay-up," sighs the Scotsman, toeing off his oxfords and flinging out his arms to either side. Merlin's a big man, a good half a foot taller than Eggsy, probably wider by about as much in the shoulder too but he looks positively _tiny_ in his massive bed. Eggsy snaps a pic and send it on to Roxy and Harry. He likes the other Knights, he does, he just.. Gets on better with those three. Merlin gives him the finger. 

"Thanks, but get out t'fuck. Don't watch me sleep, Edward Cullen," Merlin manages the energy for a smirk. His eyes are already closing but it's easy to imagine the offended look on Eggsy's face. His soft laugh follows Eggsy out the door, the lock engaging with a muted _snick_. 

Merlin dreams of talking bats, talking bats with chavvy accents and a cheeky laugh.

Ugh.


	2. The name's Bond. Dracula Bond.

Merlin finds Eggsy snoring the next morning. In the pantry. Hanging upside down. From a shelf. What is Merlin's life?? He grunts and shuts the door on the young vampire, too tired to deal with Eggsy's boundless enthusiasm in the morning. Merlin brews a strong coffee, cracking open a small can on IrnBru to pour into it. A rare indulgence, one that'll no doubt have Eggsy sniffing at his pulse point once again, nose wrinkling at the 'pong of sugar, naff!' Fuck it, though. Today's fully scheduled and it's unlikely that Merlin will see his bed again for the next few days. Heaving a sigh, Merlin turns on his heel, not even jumping at Eggsy being _right there._ That had gotten old fast, Eggsy making use of his abilities to move swiftly and silently. It's been a boon on the last few missions, allowing Eggsy to incapacitate his opponents with minimum resistance. Merlin isn't impressed that he's using the same trick on him. He covers Eggsy's face with one broad, calloused hand and pushes him gently to one side. 

"Don't start, you. Lancelot's engaging her mark in an hour, Kay's due to report in at ten, Arthur wants to see me at eleven, Tristan and Percival need to be kitted out at some point this afternoon and _you're_ due for testing once I get that done. Put some clothes on," Merlin finishes, exasperation creeping into his tone. Honestly, Merlin has no interest in seeing Eggsy naked. That dubious honour goes solely to Harry. He's gone before Eggsy can think of some snappy reply. The young man is never fully awake in the morning- a fact that Merlin has become privy to only recently. Eggsy keeps coming back because Merlin had made the mistake once of inviting the cheeky bastard in. 

Chugging back his caffeinated death mixture, Merlin heads to work. Like a productive member of society. 

****

Eggsy does get dressed, eventually. He'd been drinking blood from one of those blood donor bags (Kingsman have many resources- Merlin has even more) and his fangs ripped into it, resulting in a stain that needed washing. After waiting for his clothes to dry, he showers and texts Harry. 

**To:** Head Honcho

sup harry u busy 2moro? have lunch w/ me n merlin? :) :) :) :) 

**-007**  
*** 

Harry startles a little as his phone buzzes against the wood of The Table. He and Merlin are discussing next year's budget or something along those lines- he isn't really listening. Being Arthur is a tad too administrative for his liking but his injury prevents him from being in the field. He tires easily, experiencing debilitating migraines and his left hand shakes too much to properly wield his guns. Valentine had truly done a number on him. These days, Harry's just glad to have both of his eyes in working order.Merlin gestures for Harry to read his message, knowing he isn't paying attention anyway. 

"It's Eggsy, inviting me to lunch tomorrow. With you also, I presume you've already accepted?" Harry lifts his gaze to a stony faced Merlin, one eyebrow raised. "Or perhaps not. You are going to come though, hm? You know he doesn't bother to ask unless it's important." 

If it wasn't important, Eggsy would simply barge into either of their offices, food in tow, and force them to eat. Merlin, knowing _why_ Eggsy is asking for lunch, nods sullenly. He'd told Eggsy already that telling Harry was up to him alone- he didn't want to be there when the weapons were drawn. Conniving bawbag had just cornered him into it, though. Merlin admires Eggsy's guts. 

"Aye, how could I say no? He'd just pout at me anyways for upsetting you," Merlin answers with a vicious smile. Harry flushes at the implication there, reaching out to kick his oldest friend in the shin beneath the table.

"Stop being ridiculous, Merlin, Eggsy is perfectly capable of being disappointed on his own behalf."

"That he is. Doesn't stop him from mooning over you."

"You are _evil_ Aodhán, don't think I'm oblivious to the fact. Keep your old crone's nose out of my business. I'm not a teenager with their first crush anymore," Harry sniffs, trying (and somewhat failing) to preserve his dignity. "I'm telling Eggsy that lunch is on you tomorrow. So there." 

****

 

 **To:** Eggsy

Thank you for the invitation. Merlin has kindly offered to pay for us all. :) Go ahead and book a table wherever you fancy. Don't forget your physical this afternoon either.

**-M**

****

Merlin hates Harry. Merlin is not amused with his behaviour. At least Eggsy won't pick somewhere ostentatious and expensive, the lad would feel too guilty to.  
Lunch with a vampire, said vampire's object of desire and their unresolved sexual tension. While revealing said vampire's status. 

How the fuck is this Merlin's life? How many times will he ask himself that fucking question?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> violentcheese on tumblr!
> 
> I've chosen Aodhán as Merlin's real name. Because it's Scottish _and_ Irish (woohoo) and it sounds good in my mind. Any surname suggestions?


	3. Revelations all round

They don't go out for lunch. Merlin doesn't even have to pay a penny- Eggsy's hosting. Michelle and Daisy are out for the day, leaving free the Kingsman-supplied apartment that the Unwins live in for their use. Eggsy has a room there but he hardly uses it. There are too many absent nights due to missions and even more thanks to his injuries. Eggsy prefers staying in Merlin's, or Harry's, or Roxy's. Or in his bunk at HQ. They never know when retaliation will come, for any reason, and Eggsy feels better knowing that if someone follows him 'home' it'll be to another trained agent. Doesn't stop him spending his free time with his mum and sister when he can, though. 

Merlin arrives first, if only to spite Eggsy. He glowers at the young man, jaw set. (He does, however, hold up a bottle of Harry's favourite wine. He can't dump Eggsy totally in the deep end). He's dressed in his usual army jumper and slacks and Eggsy takes that to mean he won't be staying longer than lunch. He opens his mouth to apologise to Merlin for dragging him into the mess that is telling Harry but he's cut off by the doorbell ringing. 

"Right," they sigh at the same time, sharing a rueful smile at the synchronicity. 

"I'll get the door," Eggsy mutters, scuffing one of his winged runners against the skirting board. Reluctance is written all over him; in the slumped curve of his shoulders, the look of faint despair in his eyes, the one hand passing over his face before he slinks off towards the door. Merlin claps him on the shoulder, one last reassurance before Harry enters, and goes to let the wine breathe. 

"Eggsy," Harry greets warmly as the door opens to his favourite agent (and person, but he's doing his damnedest to put that to one side. At least for the duration of lunch. He doesn't need Merlin's pitying looks). "Thank you for inviting me. May I come in?" 

Eggsy snaps shut his mouth from where he'd been staring. Harry's got on a new suit. It's a glorious sight, charcoal is _definitely_ his colour. Red is certainly Eggsy's, if his blush is anything to go by. 

"Yeah, course. Merlin's in- the kitchen, I s'pose. Cheers for comin' on short notice an' all that," he nods, standing aside to usher in Kingsman's top man. Harry passes into the dining room/kitchen area, leaving Eggsy to smack himself in the forehead for being such a lovestruck fool. Game face on, he follows, mentally rehearsing what he's going to say to Harry. How he'll introduce the topic, possible stupid jokes to calm Harry down if things go South. The normally suave-as-fuck Gawain rounds the corner but it's all Eggsy when he blurts out in a panic, 

"I'm a fuckin' vampire, Harry."

Eggsy and Merlin are a picture of opposites. The younger is all wide eyes, hands slapping over his mouth as if to reclaim the words. Terror flashing in his eyes. Merlin is quiet shock, only his raised eyebrows indicating he was taken by surprise by Eggsy's outburst. Ah, well. Better to get it over and done with anyways. One hand reaches behind him to the small of his back, ready to pull the small handgun out of its holster if Eggsy needs protecting. 

It's not necessary. 

Harry turns his head, body following as he takes in Eggsy's horror. He- he looks calm? Eggsy is disturbed by the lack of any emotion except nonchalance exuded by Harry. Tipping his head to one side, Harry nods. 

"Yes? Is that what you are then? I must say, I was having a hard time pinning down your particular.. Inconvenience, shall we say, myself," he purses his lips in what Eggsy reads as.. Shame? What?

"Vampirism suits you." 

And isn't that the fucking clincher. Eggsy stumbles backwards, searching behind him with a hand to guide himself into a chair. He blinks. Looks to Merlin. Back to Harry. To Merlin. Merlin shrugs, relaxes against the counter, gun forgotten. Eggsy, doffing his snapback and leaning forward on his elbows, laughs in disbelief. 

"Sorry, bruv, _what?_ " Eggsy is.. Christ, he doesn't even know. Relieved to fuck but just as baffled. "You sayin' you _knew_ I wasn't human? How?" Harry nods mutely, waiting for it all to add up in Eggsy's mind. Merlin's already there, eyes widening for the first time as he turns his bulk in the direction of his oldest, dearest friend. 

"Harry.." Merlin rumbles quietly, uncrossing his arms. He can't quite grasp what Harry's saying. Eggsy has no problem. 

"You aren't human either, are ya?" accuses the young man, reeling back into his chair. "Jesu- Shit, fuck, hav'ta stop doin' that." The familiarity of training himself out of using religious terminology jolts Eggsy out of his stupor. He's up faster than Merlin can track with his eyes, Harry pinned against the cupboard under one immovable forearm with a dull _thud_. 

"Well?" Eggsy presses, getting all up in Harry's personal space. He knows the man hates that, knows exactly which buttons it pushes. Eggsy can't stand his silence, needs Harry to speak _right now_ and tell him what the fuck is going on. "You ain't a vamp, s'obvious. No monthly transformations neither, not a were of some kind," Eggsy looks all over Harry's face for traces of.. He doesn't know what, exactly. Merlin's hand lands heavy on his charge's shoulder, squeezing. 

"Easy, lad. He needs to breathe before he can answer," Merlin reminds quietly. Eggsy's still learning his new strengths and holding too tight against Harry's windpipe can be put down to that. Eggsy eases back, Harry drawing in a rattling breath. 

Harry never wants to see the betrayed look in Eggsy's eyes ever again. He nods over Eggsy's shoulder to Merlin, the magician backing away. Eggsy shifts, reminding them all who has the superior strength- and the upper hand- here. It certainly ain't Harry.

"You will not read tales of my kind in children's books," Harry settles for after a tense moment. He ignores their stony silence and continues on. "We are not.. We are a forgotten kind, for the most part. Recent literature has brought us back to the forefront of mythology in some countries. Please, Eggsy, allow me the dignity of standing on my own." Harry pushes at Eggsy's elbow with a trembling hand and he is released. He isn't making eye contact. 

Eggsy steps back until he bumps into the wide span of Merlin's chest. Shoulder-to-bicep stand the two most important men in Harry's life, waiting for him to explain. He nods once, lingering on the downwards dip. 

"Very well. I will explain all- in time-"

"Bullshit, Harry," surprisingly, it's Merlin who speaks. Oh, Harry had missed the spark of rage in his friend's expression. It is to be expected, he supposes. He's just been caught out on a forty year old lie. Merlin points to the dining table, tensed muscles noticeable even through his thick jumper.

"Sit. Explain. **Now.** "


	4. Sing a Song of Sixpence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nearly named this chapter sing a dong of sixpence, oops! 
> 
> We finally find out just what Harry is- and how it'll affect the thing between him and Eggsy.

"Tell me," Harry starts, sitting primly at the kitchen table with his hands folded in his lap. "What do you two remember of the Kingsman Karaoke Night two months ago?" He looks expectantly between them. Eggsy and Merlin frown at each other. 

"What's that got t'do with anything, Harry? It was a whopper night, though we all must'ave gotten well sloshed. No-one remembers the last part o' the night," Eggsy shrugs. He hates how Harry's such an effortlessly mysterious bastard, but he's used to this Harry. This Harry is _normal_. Merlin nods his agreement, though he knows for a fact that he wasn't drunk enough to forget. 

"Out of the group of twenty, Eggsy, there were only four who were inebriated enough to forget such a large portion of the night. No, my boy, it was not alcohol that has your memories confused- it's me." He settles back, looking wrecked. The secret's been weighing on him for years, _decades_ and now it's out in the open for the two people he cares about most to dissect. Eggsy looks a little lost. 

"How," Merlin bites out, not even phrasing the terse word as a question. His jaw flexes, anger roiling in his gut. Loyalty is everything to Merlin and Harry's just admitted to breaking that. Of all the people.. 

"I sang," replies their Arthur softly, shoulders slumping. "I sang, and my voice sent the whole bar into a stupor. I was one of the four drunk enough to forget. Otherwise, I would never have gone near the microphone. Have I ever before, Merlin, in all our years?" It's a valid point, Merlin muses. Karaoke nights are a vital part of Kingsman bonding which is essential for teamwork. Harry, in his memory, never sang. 

"I still don't see how that's relevant, wanna explain?" Eggsy's piping up now, voicing aloud both parties' concerns. "'Cause sure as fuck you're not makin' any sense right now 'arry. Y'know I'm a bloodsucker, y'know Merlin's cool wiv that. We ain't gonna 'urt you for tellin' us what you is." Nodding in satisfaction for having said what he wants to, Eggsy gestures for Harry to _hurry the fuck up_. Merlin shifts forward, setting his palms down on the glass table top. He stares Harry down, waiting patiently. 

Looking between them, Harry sees that there really isn't another way out- unless he were to sing.. The idea is tempting to him but he couldn't do that to his friends. He'd never forgive himself. He pulls at his cuffs, smooths down the front of his suit. Sniffs once. 

"I am a Siren," he declares, head held high. He isn't sure how extensive the two's knowledge of Siren lore is but he refuses to be cowed for what he is. "Of Greek mythology, the ship wreckers. My voice is enough to hypnotise anyone I wish. I have **never** sung to either of you- or to any of the other Knights. Please believe that. I would never use it against those I care for. I hadn't sung in years before that night out, in fact." He's wistful as he murmurs the last part, as if he'd spent the past years missing a limb. For all they know, he has.

Eggsy's face is a study in emotion. There's amazement there, underwritten by disbelief and confusion. The pull of his eyebrows upwards show his surprise. Merlin's frowning, though the sentiment behind his eyes is the same- surprise. Harry nods, reading it all. 

"Yes, a Siren. I am not one of the originals, I do age after a period without taking a-a 'victim'. Much the same as you, Eggsy," Harry tips his head in his proposal's direction. "You feed on the blood of a person, where I subside on the person's life force itself. There have been arguments made that the two are the same thing, though science tends not to involve itself with the mythical, hmm?" He smiles humourlessly. 

"Harry, are you telling us the lad doesn't age if he drinks?" Merlin's already whirring through the possibilities in his mind. 

"Is that why you look like you're in your fifties? An' not like.. Like me?" Eggsy swallows hard. Christ, they're effectively immortal, Eggsy realises with a soft huff. He sits back heavily, legs splaying beneath the table and knocking into Harry's. Harry taps their knees together and doesn't move his ankle away from Eggsy's. 

"Indeed. I was born a Siren, to Siren parents. We are creatures of the sea but I have always found myself fascinated by the cities. My appearance reflects how I would look if I were a human, though I am a tad older than my fifties in actuality. I'm not centuries old, neither will you be if you choose not to be. You're not entirely human yourself either, Merlin," Harry glares at Merlin accusingly, narrowing his eyes. 

"In fact, you're taking all of this a little too easily.." Harry leans forward, peering closely at the space around Merlin's bald head. Eggsy looks at the two of them as if they're mad. And he's the vampire! "What are you, my dear friend?" 

Merlin shoves away from the table violently, chair legs screeching against the linoleum floor in a way that makes Eggsy's sensitive hearing ache. He's heading for the door in a hurry. Harry taps Eggsy's hand. 

"Block the door- you're quicker than he i-" Eggsy's already gone, pressing his back against the door, arms out as wide as his eyes are open. Merlin's hand stutters mid-air where he'd been reaching to grasp the handle. Eggsy swallows hard and shakes his head. 

"Nuh-uh, bruv. S'your turn, Merlin. S'only fair, innit?" Eggsy tries a smile, half-shrugging. "Back t'the table, guv. Come on."

Merlin's staring at Eggsy one moment in mute terror. The next? 

He disappears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick note- this won't contain any smut, though there'll probably be implications! Your friendly asexual author hates writing smut, apologies! As ever, violent cheese on Tumblr, cheers :)


	5. In Memoriam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! Eggsy and Harry finally sort themselves out, while trying to figure out Merlin.

_He disappears._

Except he doesn't, not really. Merlin doesn't have the kind of power necessary for that magic. He is, after all, still mostly human. Pulling the invisibility glamour closer around himself, Merlin casts a silencing charm on himself and follows Eggsy back into the kitchen. He sits back beside Eggsy though gladly, neither of them notice a thing. Merlin relaxes back and listens.

~~ 

"He just-" Eggsy snaps his fingers, "poof! Gone, just like that. How the fuck..?" Eggsy is pretty good at rationalising things- a reluctant start he may have had to being a vampire, but he's fine with most of it now- but this seems to be a step too far for him. Eggsy shakes his head and laughs. 

"And you! You wasn't human neither! This is like one of those shitty movies on the SyFy channel. Jes- Ouch, insert _religious fuckin' deity here, innit_ \- I fuckin' hate that. Does it 'urt you too?" Eggsy nods to Harry, who's looking thoughtful. The Siren shakes his head. 

"No, not at all. Greek mythology, not that it is all a myth, you know, is full of gods and goddesses. The majority of them lack any power these days, though there are those who have persevered as much as my family has. Hermes is alive and well, the last my mother heard. He was the Messenger of the Gods, and has thrived in this age of social media and communications. But that's just one example, of course. Those are questions for another day, perhaps? We have to deal with Merlin first." Harry gets up to open the bottle of wine that Merlin had brought with him. He smiles faux-innocently. "I also don't see why we shouldn't enjoy our lunch at the same time."

As if he's giving up lunch with Eggsy when Merlin clearly doesn't want to be found. (Merlin rolls his eyes).

"Yeah, makes sense. Why do you think 'e upped and left? S'not like we're witch hunters, he knows we'd understand. Right?" Eggsy looks pained. Loyalty and trust are the two most valuable things to Eggsy (as well as Harry's thighs, but that's a different kettle of fish altogether) and to think he doesn't actually have Merlin's hurts in deep places that Dean had never been quite able to bruise with his fists. 

"Eggsy, just because we reacted to each other as we did does not mean Merlin is as comfortable sharing his secret," Harry explained quietly. He poured the wine as he spoke, moving gracefully back to the table. "He could be something with a dark reputation in history, or perhaps an evil creature. Though, having known Merlin as long as I have, I would have to doubt that theory most sincerely. Whatever he is, he is half-human too, which holds its own stigma in lore. Whatever he is, he will come to us in time." Harry reaches across to pat Eggsy's shoulder, but the young man moves at the same time and Harry ends up caressing Eggsy's cheek. Eggsy stills, no longer breathing. Harry is just as inhumanly frozen, locking gazes with Eggsy. 

Harry moves to withdraw, the apology already on the tip of his tongue, but Eggsy's hand shoots up and latches onto his wrist. Eggsy's nostrils flare as he tilts his head slightly to nose at Harry's pulse point. Harry swallows hard. He wonders what Eggsy can smell- lust? Attraction? Harry knows he's fucked up either way. Eggsy won't want anything to do with him after this. And yet.. His mouth is pulled up into a tiny smile, watching Eggsy hesitate before pressing the most gentle of kisses to his wrist. 

(Merlin knows they won't be discussing him in the foreseeable future and silently lets himself out.) 

"You's the best smellin' person, Harry Hart. I thought it was just you bein' you, with your fancy aftershaves and colognes and shit but.." Eggsy pauses, his smile widening. He shakes his head minutely and presses his cheek further into Harry's warm palm. "You're head over heels, aren't you? For me? S'what I was smelling all this time. Love." He waits with a hopeful expression for confirmation of Harry's feelings and unnamed deity almighty that's not something he'd ever thought he'd get. 

"How could I not be?" Harry answers quietly. In for a penny, in for a pound, he thinks. It's not a hard decision to make, not when he can see the tinges of dark pink weaving through Eggsy's aura. "You're absolutely wonderful, Eggsy darling. Having you in my life these past three years, even just as my friend, has made those three years some of the best in my long life. I am.. I believe the term is 'tits over arse' for you." Eggsy laughs at that, a warm and relieved sound. Before Harry knows it, he's got a lapful of Eggsy Unwin, reluctant vampire extraordinaire, pressing their foreheads together. 

"Merlin told me you was into me, but I figured he was just havin' me on, y'know? He never pushed it so.. But _fuck_ you just.. You're _tits over arse_ for me!" Eggsy snorts, practically vibrating with his excitement. He's been gone for Harry since that first day when he flung a pint glass at Rottweiler's forehead, he never thought he'd get to have _this_. Eggsy tilts his head, studying Harry's eyes up close, gets lost in them for a moment before he remembers what he was going to say. "Now this really is one of them shitty SyFy movies, eh?" 

Harry squeezes Eggsy's hips, pretending to be exasperated. But he smiles up at Eggsy, lighting up his whole face with the love there and Eggsy's heart skips a beat. (Well, it would. If it was still beating these days.) "Do get a move on and kiss me, Eggsy. While we do have forever, I'd much prefer if we got a head start on it," Harry teases, his accent sharpening to ultra-posh, just to see how it riles Eggsy up. 

Eggsy obeys easily, pressing their lips together softly, testing. Harry keeps his patience, he's glad of the tenderness. A few minutes later, both of their hairs are ruffled, Harry's cheeks flushed and Eggsy's lips swollen and bitten. Harry looks wary when Eggsy's eyes light up in that way that screams 'I'm about to do something stupid/brilliant/hilarious/all three'. 

"If you take me up t'bed now, I ain't gonna forget about it in the morning, am I?" Eggsy grins, tapping out a quick tempo against Harry's shoulder that takes him a moment to recognise as his racing heartbeat. Eggsy gets a pinch to the bum for his cheek. 

And when he wakes up in the morning, sore and exhausted, one leg nestled between Harry's and his ear over Harry's heart, he remembers _everything_.

**Author's Note:**

> The response to 'put that garlic back where it came from or so help me' is amazing! For a fic I wasn't even going to post I'm so glad it made people laugh. 
> 
> Let me know what you think of this one, comment/kudos! 
> 
> Violentcheese on tumblr, cheers!


End file.
